Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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