I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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