seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
