Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
