You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
