Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
