You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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