Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Non-Jews are for practice
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
