I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
