I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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