I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
