his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
