there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
