she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
