He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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