he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
