I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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