i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my vagina is haunted
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
