It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
