Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
