so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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