If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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