Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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