He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
