It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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