I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
