God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
