You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
