i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
