I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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