Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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