that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
