dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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