i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
