You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything about him screamed your future.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize