i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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