Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
