I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
