OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
