i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
