Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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