WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
