My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
