his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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