and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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