I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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