I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
