You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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