You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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