Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
