Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
