Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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