I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
