i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
